lost
Summary: The years pass, the people are, the faces change. But love is not forgotten. In the dark attic of No Party, a letter box that told a different story, with the same fate.
... Letter I
"The unfaithful lover"
Goodnight, my love, today I'm going forever.
me I leave only the memory of my shadow in the hallway, the furtive glances and fleeting warmth of my hand accidentally brushing against yours. I leave little thing, a picture in your mind and fear in the heart. I leave you a voice, a whisper hidden and silver cordoncito tied me to sanity. Never given a red rose, hidden somewhere in the attic full of forgotten memories and wounds that are closed. But above all, what is the taste I leave of the prohibited burning you palate.
"I'll miss when I'm gone, my dear? Do you remember, even once, for me? Probably not. Probably not even my name stays in your memory for too long.
However, let me tell you that I'm going to remember.
always remember the day I came to this house lit corridors and laughter of your mother as I crawled across them. Your mother was beautiful, certainly. But all I could see then was a shy beauty peek behind the door open and explore with those eyes clear, green. And reprehensible.
You never liked that smile that I gave then, and never knew it was one of those sincere smiles I used to give.
never looked at me with nothing but fear not, I know, and never give you an idea of how much it hurt. And it still hurts me.
Though I suppose it's natural, or that the situation required. I guess no daughter would be pleased to know that your mother has a lover. I suppose that the rejection was too inevitable.
sometimes drives me crazy to think it all started with a cup of coffee.
knew your mother when my car suffered its first averÃay I decided to come in for coffee that would inevitably lead me to you. Like now, it was winter and it rained so much that the sky seemed to fall apart. Precisely why the modest cafe was so crowded, just so I had to start drinking the bitter tea stand, trying to forget the cold to the bone me, and exactly why your mother took pity me and invited me to do a bit of company at the other end of the table.
not explain how we came to know more. I think I never stopped to think. It was something that just happened, because the destination cleverly pulled the strings, and I found myself accepting that suggestion, and even sitting in the passenger seat of her car, looking forward to realize their words.
Now I do not doubt that your mother was always depressed, even though I took no issue more important to me whenever she spoke, and not only during our first meeting, strongly of someone who used to lead "his beloved Fujitaka." Sometimes, even mourned his absence after having slept with me and muttered things about his family was to blame for everything.
He was your father, right? Never asked.
never asked him too.
never interested me much about it.
If I think, that start was a whirlwind of karmic coincidence that only now I understand. Because I can only think a response to the force that drove me to let myself go, to succumb to the force which was struggling to be triggered:
You are the answer. I do not know if another time, or forever.
I have to confess one thing, Sakura. One thing that surely will not know, because I dared not tell you: It was just crossing the threshold of the door of your house and meet you for the first time, I knew that was not there for your mother, but you. Because if I followed his steps to the bedroom like a robot, and if her laughter sounded sad, hollow and part of another reality, it was because his eyes and yours were almost completely identical.
And yet the pain of my heart, I have to ask this question:
Why did you end up giving yourself to me tonight?
is a question that keeps spinning in my head. As the memory.
hard they try, as much as I feel every time you die images happen again with the same intensity, I can not help but think about it for a single second.
In the dark room when I dared to open your door, tired of being ignored my tricks, and found you peinándote in the mirror. In your trembling
shocked to discover.
trembling in your body when it swept through the gap and allowed myself for the first time, taste your lips with abandon.
trembling in your body when you just fall on the bed and let me taste you whole.
trembling in my hands to touch.
In the dense hair with reddish tones that spread over the white pillow.
in your mouth ajar.
in your sighs.
The way you called me by my name, as never before Indeed, neither you made again.
how it ended definitely drive me crazy when you let me hold you again and again throughout the night.
I can not forget anything.
And for all this now, sitting on the edge of the bed I shared with your mother for months, I am writing this letter and I say good. She sleeps, after crying a little, and is so exhausted that I hear out. And I'm sure you'll do neither, because you sleep very heavy, or because you are awake and simply do not want to hear.
Do not worry, I will not return. There are plenty of ways to escape, and is the option I have left.
But I suspect that you know since you decided to make you indifferent.
this letter may go under the crack of your door, or maybe now the fold and store in my pocket, throw it into the sea, this is where I go. Or even perhaps hide and do not find it after many years, the time when the snows fall on your head and dyed your hair silky whiteness, dusty old and abandoned in a attic. I still do not know.
But I know that I love you.
And I will keep your memory.
Always.
Signed
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